My life is kind of crazy right now my brother is going through so much witb his crazy wife who by the way is the same age as me and yet she act like a little girl she falls in lov with those who promise her the moon the starts I don't and should wich upon others but I pray to god that she gets what she deserves because mybrother has given everything for her and only so she can throw it back in his face I do believe in karma and I hope one day she falls in live like my brother did and I hope she gets cheated on lied to and becomes crazy and never happy this girl is nothing but evil and needs to learn and grow up the only thing that makes me sad is that they have two kids who are the world tk me they r everything but the familh and issues theg have ti deal with isn't good and I feel horrible that they have to grow up around this bc I had a good life growing up and onlg wsh they did to but I guess god chose something different foe them
On the other hand my boyfriend is dricing me crazy wirh how imachure he is he makes me upset about really dumb things I don't know how long we will last because this relationshipIis just going from bad to worst shoildbi be happy t ok talk to him everyday but I'm not u rather not even talk to him I rather see him but what makes me mad when I do see him is that all he wants everyday is secx never can we really just cuddlebor have a conversation I need school to start so I can stay bissy and mot have to deal with all of this
Not to mentiom thati have money problems makes me upset because hello I've been working all summer for what only to pay my rent and b ut food now I need it for school things and I'm broke so I have tk hold on until I get my nnext check which isn't untill this comeing friday that seems so far away u hate this but I'm done
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
let it all out...here it is in writing......
The end of july is basically here I had a goal to get my license and here I am with everything I wanted and needed an apartment with great roomates we live in a good area, the job I got isn't too bad I shouldn't complain ive been getting enough hours and living in a different area I thought would be fun and adventouse and finally prove that I can be on my own and do things on my own but instead here I am writing about how much I miss home.
I miss being with my family I miss being able to just do as I wish and not have worries about bills and about how the next day I have to be at work or about if I have food to eat in the fridge. Its all catching up to me and to make it worst school is almost starting which I am dreading and even though its going to keep me entertained for most of the time I still wish my summer was longer and actually fun like a summer should be but instead I'm stuck here board everyday its im either working and when I get home from work I am tired and than all I do is watch movies or do dumb things to make time pass this isn't how it should be this isn't how I want it to be but o well this is life I guess.
and than the worst part is im such and insecure person especially about how I look as much as I try to each correct and healthy and do things to loss weight I cant and its not working out and I am getting so mad and instead of trying harder I give up and end up eating worst than before I began trying its such a crazy circle of never being good enough and pretending that I am happy and smily all the time and than again I have a crazy as boyfriend who is always fighting with me and making me feel even worst than ever its like when we are happy he is the best thing in my life but than we have days when I just hate him and as much as I try to be strong and let him go and do me I cant stop thinking about him only because he has been in my life for so long and yet I have hate for him because when he hurts me it really does hurt like hell the fact that he has cheated the fact that he rather call other girls pretty than his own girlfriend the fact that he doesn't even try or doesn't seem to care the fact that he needs to grow up and act like age be a provider instead of being impulsive like he is.
its almost like I should be happy with what I have which I am for the most parts but its like something is missing in my life and as much as I try and look and change and get to a destination somehow I such at a lot of things and I cant fix them. Why are things so complicated I hate feeling this way but I thought why not write this down and let it go move on like I have been instead of braking down and giving up I have a goal in life and that is to do and show the person that I am and people think I cant do things and I will show that I can and I will and everyone will look at me and regret ever questioning me yessssss I know I am quite but bitches deep inside I have thoughts that are louder than all the voices around me and at the end of the day im going to do me and me only I don't need a man to keep me down and I don't need anyone to think im pretty day by day I will learn to love myself and I have come up with the conclution I need to let go of my ex because I need to move on to bigger and better things and leave the past where it needs to stay I will focus on school work and social life instead of stupid insignificant things such as boy drama weight issues let god lead me in the right direction
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I miss being with my family I miss being able to just do as I wish and not have worries about bills and about how the next day I have to be at work or about if I have food to eat in the fridge. Its all catching up to me and to make it worst school is almost starting which I am dreading and even though its going to keep me entertained for most of the time I still wish my summer was longer and actually fun like a summer should be but instead I'm stuck here board everyday its im either working and when I get home from work I am tired and than all I do is watch movies or do dumb things to make time pass this isn't how it should be this isn't how I want it to be but o well this is life I guess.
and than the worst part is im such and insecure person especially about how I look as much as I try to each correct and healthy and do things to loss weight I cant and its not working out and I am getting so mad and instead of trying harder I give up and end up eating worst than before I began trying its such a crazy circle of never being good enough and pretending that I am happy and smily all the time and than again I have a crazy as boyfriend who is always fighting with me and making me feel even worst than ever its like when we are happy he is the best thing in my life but than we have days when I just hate him and as much as I try to be strong and let him go and do me I cant stop thinking about him only because he has been in my life for so long and yet I have hate for him because when he hurts me it really does hurt like hell the fact that he has cheated the fact that he rather call other girls pretty than his own girlfriend the fact that he doesn't even try or doesn't seem to care the fact that he needs to grow up and act like age be a provider instead of being impulsive like he is.
its almost like I should be happy with what I have which I am for the most parts but its like something is missing in my life and as much as I try and look and change and get to a destination somehow I such at a lot of things and I cant fix them. Why are things so complicated I hate feeling this way but I thought why not write this down and let it go move on like I have been instead of braking down and giving up I have a goal in life and that is to do and show the person that I am and people think I cant do things and I will show that I can and I will and everyone will look at me and regret ever questioning me yessssss I know I am quite but bitches deep inside I have thoughts that are louder than all the voices around me and at the end of the day im going to do me and me only I don't need a man to keep me down and I don't need anyone to think im pretty day by day I will learn to love myself and I have come up with the conclution I need to let go of my ex because I need to move on to bigger and better things and leave the past where it needs to stay I will focus on school work and social life instead of stupid insignificant things such as boy drama weight issues let god lead me in the right direction
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