The end of july is basically here I had a goal to get my license and here I am with everything I wanted and needed an apartment with great roomates we live in a good area, the job I got isn't too bad I shouldn't complain ive been getting enough hours and living in a different area I thought would be fun and adventouse and finally prove that I can be on my own and do things on my own but instead here I am writing about how much I miss home.
I miss being with my family I miss being able to just do as I wish and not have worries about bills and about how the next day I have to be at work or about if I have food to eat in the fridge. Its all catching up to me and to make it worst school is almost starting which I am dreading and even though its going to keep me entertained for most of the time I still wish my summer was longer and actually fun like a summer should be but instead I'm stuck here board everyday its im either working and when I get home from work I am tired and than all I do is watch movies or do dumb things to make time pass this isn't how it should be this isn't how I want it to be but o well this is life I guess.
and than the worst part is im such and insecure person especially about how I look as much as I try to each correct and healthy and do things to loss weight I cant and its not working out and I am getting so mad and instead of trying harder I give up and end up eating worst than before I began trying its such a crazy circle of never being good enough and pretending that I am happy and smily all the time and than again I have a crazy as boyfriend who is always fighting with me and making me feel even worst than ever its like when we are happy he is the best thing in my life but than we have days when I just hate him and as much as I try to be strong and let him go and do me I cant stop thinking about him only because he has been in my life for so long and yet I have hate for him because when he hurts me it really does hurt like hell the fact that he has cheated the fact that he rather call other girls pretty than his own girlfriend the fact that he doesn't even try or doesn't seem to care the fact that he needs to grow up and act like age be a provider instead of being impulsive like he is.
its almost like I should be happy with what I have which I am for the most parts but its like something is missing in my life and as much as I try and look and change and get to a destination somehow I such at a lot of things and I cant fix them. Why are things so complicated I hate feeling this way but I thought why not write this down and let it go move on like I have been instead of braking down and giving up I have a goal in life and that is to do and show the person that I am and people think I cant do things and I will show that I can and I will and everyone will look at me and regret ever questioning me yessssss I know I am quite but bitches deep inside I have thoughts that are louder than all the voices around me and at the end of the day im going to do me and me only I don't need a man to keep me down and I don't need anyone to think im pretty day by day I will learn to love myself and I have come up with the conclution I need to let go of my ex because I need to move on to bigger and better things and leave the past where it needs to stay I will focus on school work and social life instead of stupid insignificant things such as boy drama weight issues let god lead me in the right direction
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